“Charity never faileth.” ~1 Corinthians 13:8~
Your marriage isn’t a fairy tale!! Marriage is a Daily Choice!!
Most of us go into marriage with unrealistic expectations not realizing that expectations destroy relationships. We look at our parents with judgmental thoughts that we can do better than they as we look through colored glasses not seeing married life for the reality that it is.
Growing up most little girls thrive on fairy tales of being that beautiful princess trapped in a castle until our handsome Prince Charming rescues us.
I loved the story where the prince calls out, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!” where the Princess responds from the tall castle window, letting down her thick golden braid for the Prince to climb up. I don’t remember how he rescued her as that is kind of like waking up in the middle of a dream, not knowing how it ends.
In all the fairy tales I ever read, there is a real problem that is solved by the Prince.
And they lived happily ever after!!
That’s in the fairy tale but not in real life!! Marriage isn’t a fairy tale!! It’s a daily choice.
Your Prince Charming spends all his time and energy at work, sports, the computer, his cars, the yard — anything but you!!
So, you have passed your honeymoon and the first blissful 12 months of your marriage. You have both settled into the routines of daily married life and it isn’t that your marriage is on the rocks. Really it isn’t, it is just that . . . well, your husband is working all this overtime, or all he can think about is scuba diving off shipwrecks all day on the weekends, or he spends all evening at the computer reading the news, and then the one car or the other needs to be repaired and he spends all evening or his day off fixing them, and then wouldn’t you know that the lawn needs to be mowed. Again.
It just seems like your husband has time for anything else but you!!
Maybe you don’t have children yet or maybe you do. Then maybe you have been married for years (like me) and find you still are looking for that intimate fairy tale relationship.
Roommate or soul mate? You’d dreamed of a soul mate!!
You wanted a soul mate but most of the time it seems like your husband is more like a roommate.
After he had finished scuba diving he returns and rinses the salt from his gear he collapses wordlessly into a comatose state on the sofa. You’ve waited for him all day to enjoy his company and now, he’s done.
You are faced with a daily choice to tear down your marriage or build it up.
When we are faced with the mundane moments of marriage, what we CAN do is create an atmosphere where an open and honest exchange in conversation is welcomed. That doesn’t come with cutting your husband down for his interests and involvement. Your husband will be much more able to be drawn into a deeper level of conversation when the air isn’t filled with your taut tension wires. You can express your hurt feelings in a non-accusing manner. It is even better to release that hurt rather than sowing seeds of bitterness in your heart. Hurt feelings are the flip side of bitterness.
Chances are good that your husband had no intention of hurting you. It is always best to leave your husband navigation room and give him the benefit of the doubt.
Should you just give up??
Never ever give up!! Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy. He wants to do everything possible to destroy your marriage. If you give up, you will most likely affect your children more deeply than you will ever know. You will also find growing old without your husband is a very lonely experience. I know several ladies who have shared how difficult it is to watch couples interact and they often yearn for what once was.
Don’t give up. Fight for your marriage. Fight against the principalities. Fight the good fight to win the crown. Learn not to fight with your husband.
Did I tell you, “Don’t give up?”
Real life is no fairy-tale and it isn’t a fuzzy feeling!!
Real life is where a husband works many hours of overtime to gallantly supply for his wife and family. He is like Prince Charming before marriage and rides his white horse, OK, his shiny red pickup truck, to pick you up. He takes you out to eat, and if you are really blessed, brings you flowers.
Once you are married, real life settles in and he has won his prize. You!! Many husbands don’t continue to pursue their wife once they are married but settle into their routine.
Married life isn’t always a fuzzy feeling either. You know that exciting feeling that makes you feel all fuzzy and warm all over?!
He is focused on what he is reading again. He forgot to kiss you. Again you need to make a daily choice.
Daily choose to not be rude, blunt, or tactless, with an attitude of letting it ‘all hang out.’
You don’t need to be totally honest with your feelings. You don’t need to tell him off!!!
There are feelings that don’t need to be expressed. Ever. You know what I am talking about.
Give your sweet honey the understanding he deserves when he comes home and collapses from a day of scuba diving. When he reads the news, act as interested as you possibly can.
Love is a choice God calls you to make!!
You have a daily choice to love your husband.
Charity is a word we don’t use much anymore for love. It has a deeper, more expressive meaning. It is that love that is understanding, patient, and kind, tenderhearted and enduring all things. Charity is a covenant keeping a love that reflects the love of God running through us.
Love is a verb. It is actions, not words.
I challenge you to make a daily choice to love your husband for who he is.
Be thankful that he works zillion hours of overtime to provide for you and the family.
What can you do to help him? Make a stellar lunch for starters. Take a scuba course and get certified as a scuba diver so you show an interest in his pursuits. Go along on the dive boat and enjoy the ride. Don’t nag him for fixing the cars, but instead just keep quiet. Learn along with me!!